Telling the Family

When we got home, Bob immediately took the kids upstairs. 

I just remember hugging Kate & sobbing. 

I told Aunt Martha, Aunt Sue, Dad & Joyce what had happened and then when I felt up to it, I went up to be with the kids.

Bob and I sat in the playroom with Elle on my lap reading a book.  We told Ben & Boyd that we needed to talk to them.  That our baby had gone to live with Jesus in heaven.

I swear Boyd became an 8 year old in that moment.  He seemed so grown up to me and said, "So we don't get to build a crib?"  We had never talked about building a crib, but his sweet mind must have thought about that.  Then he said, "So, the baby is in heaven and not on this planet?"  After that he said, "I really thought you guys were going to tell us the baby's name".  He was fine throughout it and then excused himself to play Candyland with Aunt Martha. 

Ben just studied our faces with watery eyes.  He was most into this pregnancy talking about it all the time and sharing with his friends at school that mommy has a baby in her tummy.  He turned around and played with his transformer.

I took Elle downstairs.

Ben saw Bob laying on the floor of the playroom and just said, "Daddy, I know you are upset."  Bob said, "What's upset mean?"  Ben said, "Like time out".

I came back upstairs to pack for the hospital and just fell the floor in my closet.  I didn't want to give birth to our dead baby.  I was overwhelmed with pain.  Bob was hurting so bad as well which was foreign to me.  He is always so strong and optimistic. 

We pulled ourselves together and headed to the hospital.  On our way to Southview Maternity we stopped at Barnes & Noble to buy a journal.