When we entered the hospital they took us straight back to Suite 5. The room was dimly lit and we just sat there in silence.
A few minutes later our nurse, Sara Repasy, came in the room. The first thing she did was hug me...she really hugged me and let me cry. It was exactly what I needed when I needed it.
Looking back I know that Sara was a gift from God and that he gave me the exact person that I needed in the exact time we needed her.
It was such a difficult first hour for us because we were facing decisions that we didn't know we would have to make.
Our baby was in the 2nd trimester and was fully developed as far as having every body part that you and I have. This made our situation a stillborn versus a miscarriage. Therefore, I was to give birth to the baby as if it was alive. Initial decisions:
- What do you want for pain? We decided on an epidural.
- Do you want a death certificate? We decided Yes for geneology purposes.
- Do you want the baby baptized? We decided No as the baby was already gone and with Jesus.
- Do you want to hold the baby? Yes
- Do you want the baby wrapped in a blanket? With a hat on? With an outfit on? Yes, Yes, Yes
- Do you want footprints or handprints of the baby? Yes.
- Do we want copies of the photos they take for their records? Yes.
- Do you want to meet with the chaplain? Yes.
These decisions weren't too difficult and I was slowly coming to peace with the fact that we would be able to meet our baby and have our time with he or she.
Sara told us that there would be more questions, but we could take our time with each one of them and even change our mind if we wanted to.
A little while later our friends from church showed up; Paul & Heidi Wilkins, our small group leaders, their son, John Paul and Jeff Jett, also from our small group. My Aunt Sue arrived as well.
The surrounded my hospital bed with Bob and laid their hands on me to pray. Each person took time to pray and when it came time for John Paul to pray, he wept. I've only met John Paul a few times and I was so touched for his compassion for our loss. Once he pulled it together, he prayed for our baby in such a way that gave me tremendous peace. It was as if God himself was telling me that our baby was okay and was with Him. In this moment, I felt God's presence as if He had his arms wrapped around us and was grieving with us.
Once our friends left, we met with the chaplain, Danny. He was a great pastor from New York City. It was neat to see his way of sharing the gospel with us as we missed church when we were in New York a few weeks ago.
At some point, someone brought us a teddy bear. This was part of the Peace Bear campaign where they give this precious teddy bear to those who lose children. This way they don't have to go home empty handed. This bear stayed in the hospital bed with me for the duration and when I slept or napped, I held onto this bear. Thankful for this gift.
It was a long night of checking for progress with the induction medication. There was no progress all night and I only had 2 hours of sleep. I was not able to eat any solids after lunch that day and was drinking chicken broth, eating Jell-o and sucking on popsicles all night.
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